Latest Posts
Podcast: Emotional Intelligence for Authentic Leaders
Great conversation with Nicole McMackin (CEO & Founder, Irvine Technology Corporation) https://www.irvinetechcorp.com/
Highly recommend subscribing to her podcast show: https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/elevate-your-career/id1716284614
The Ghost of Feedback Past: Why Timely Criticism Matters
Manager: “We need to return something” HR: “We need receipts.”Here’s how a typical conversation plays out: Manager: “XYZ on my team isn’t working out. I’ve been giving feedback regularly, but there’s no improvement. Can we start the exit process so I can open a replacement headcount?” HR: “Sorry to hear that. Could you share 3-5 examples of the feedback you’ve given in writing in the past few months?” Manager: “Uhhh, I’ve mentioned it in conversations so many times… team agrees too. We didn’t promote or give a big raise last year for a reason.” HR: “I checked last year’s performance review. It says ‘meeting expectations’ and no concerns are documented. Do we have any written feedback? You know, the kind that lawyers like?” Manager: “Hmm. I’ll dig through my emails. Or maybe we can eliminate the position? Or start a PIP now and I can document things moving forward?” Sound familiar? A classic case of “Feedback Ghosting” by the manager.
The Issue: Feedback AvoidanceLet’s face it—giving feedback isn’t a favorite pastime for most managers. Why?Confrontation is awkward.Writing things down feels too formal (or worse, like you’re drafting evidence for a court case).It’s easier to say, “Everyone knows XYZ’s not cutting it,” than to tell XYZ that directly.
But here’s the truth: Providing consistent, constructive feedback is a leader’s job and an employee’s right. It’s like skipping leg day at the gym—ignoring it may seem fine at first, but eventually, you’ll stumble (and it’s usually in front of HR or legal).Two Simple Fixes (No Gym Membership Required)
1. Make 1:1s Effortless – Stop overcomplicating it. Use OneNote, Trello, or any shared doc to jot down quick summaries and share them with your team members. Low effort, zero awkwardness, and future-you will be grateful when HR comes knocking.
Example: “Met today. Discussed XYZ’s workload prioritization and delays. Monthly reports due next Friday.”
2. Make sharing feedback a standing agenda item. Don’t make it a once-in-a-blue-moon event. Dedicate part of every 1:1 to feedback so it becomes routine on both ends, not a Band-Aid rip.
Example: “This week’s feedback: Killer presentation! But you’ve been quiet in backlog reviews—try reviewing tickets a day early to engage more.”If your feedback strategy is “I said it in my head” or “Too bad you can’t mind-read,” you’re setting up unnecessary drama down the lane, which is unfair to you and your team members. Regular documented feedback builds trust, makes tough talks way easier, and avoids inventing innovative legal loopholes to terminate the engagement.
Let’s normalize giving (and documenting) feedback—your employees and HR will thank you!Art of Journaling- Anti-anxiety tool
Quick insight into using journaling as an effective anti-anxiety tool. Part of our interpersonal development series
Corporate Leadership Pyramid
A quick intro to the concept of promotions and how they get impacted by corporate leadership structure pyramids. This answers frequently asked questions like
-I am a great performer and have gotten promotions in previous years. Don’t understand why I am not getting promoted now.
-I feel I am stuck as in I don’t know what else is needed from me to move up in corporate ladder.
-If I keep getting a 4% raise, how will I reach my financial targets?
-I want a higher title, more money, good work life balance, and engaging work, why can't I have it all?
-When do I know it’s time to switch jobs? How long do I stay?
Managing up
Tutorial on Managing up i.e. best practices and guidelines to present information and communicate with senior leadership. Part of our professional development offerings.
Stepping into a Leadership Role: The First 30-45 Days
Whether it’s your first time or with a new team, taking on a leadership role comes with excitement and nerves. You’re eager to get started, but there’s always some apprehension about the unknown. In today’s fast-paced world, where there’s little time to settle in, the first 30-45 days are crucial for setting the tone for your success as a leader.
In my experience, leaders often spend this initial onboarding phase in one of two extremes:
Focusing on technical knowledge: They dive deeply into learning every technical detail about the product, platform, or service their team supports.
Focusing on people: They invest heavily in getting to know the individuals on their team, aiming to understand everyone on a personal level.
While neither of these approaches is inherently wrong—both are important in the long run—it’s essential to remember that the first priority of any leader should be to grasp the team’s portfolio, structure, and operations. Once this foundation is established, you can then continue to build expertise in the technical aspects and invest time in understanding your team members.
Below is a checklist I’ve developed through my experience onboarding new teams. These steps have proven effective regardless of the domain or ecosystem:
1. Organizational Overview
“Why”: Understand the purpose and core mission of the organization.
Values and Culture: Familiarize yourself with the organization’s core values and cultural norms.
Leadership Goals: Align with the leadership team on key objectives and desired outcomes.
2. Organizational Structure
Org Chart: Review the organizational hierarchy and reporting structure.
Budget: Gain an understanding of the budget allocation and historical annual burn rates.
3. Current State Analysis
Vertical Ownership (Estate): Assess what the team currently owns and manages across different business verticals.
RACI Chart: Review the Responsibilities, Accountabilities, Consulted, and Informed (RACI) chart for clarity on roles within the organization and across verticals.
Roadmaps: Understand the current roadmap, tech debt, and future backlog.
Headcount Needs: Evaluate current headcounts and determine if there are gaps or overages.
Talent Management (A/B/C Matrix): Analyze talent levels using an A/B/C categorization to understand the team’s strengths and development areas.
4. Operations and Workflow
Work Intake: Understand how new work is brought into the team.
Capacity Planning: Review how capacity is planned and distributed across the team.
Policies, Operations, and Procedures: Review current operational processes, including what is working and what isn’t.
Risk Areas: Identify and document areas of potential risk.
5. KPIs and Branding- Establish metrics and reporting to measure and broadcast the progress and success of team's deliverables.
Transparency, Authenticity, and Vulnerability
While exploring mental health and self-help topics, I frequently encountered three critical concepts: Transparency, Authenticity, and Vulnerability. Across literature and media, these terms were often emphasized as essential to fostering healthy relationships and personal growth. However, understanding the subtle differences between these concepts and knowing when to apply them can be challenging.
The purpose of this article is to:
• Define these terms in simple, relatable language.
• Explain when and how to practice each, and how they influence relationship dynamics.
Defining the Concepts
1. Transparency- In its simplest form, transparency means being open and honest, revealing facts or information without necessarily exposing your emotions. Think of it as describing a movie plot—you convey the storyline without diving into the emotional performances of the characters. Transparency is about facts, not feelings.
2. Vulnerability- Vulnerability goes a step further. It involves sharing not just what’s happening, but how it’s affecting you emotionally. It requires trust, as you invite others to witness your raw, unfiltered feelings. By being vulnerable, you’re allowing others to see your emotional reality, exposing parts of yourself that may feel uncertain or unguarded.
3. Authenticity- Authenticity is about consistently being true to yourself—your values, beliefs, and emotions—without conforming to societal expectations. It means showing up as your real self in all circumstances, ensuring your actions, words, and decisions reflect your genuine identity. Authenticity doesn’t always require emotional disclosure, but it ensures that your outward self aligns with your inner self.
Key Differences
Transparency is about openness and sharing information, but it doesn’t require revealing deep personal emotions. It’s possible to be transparent without being vulnerable.
Vulnerability involves emotional exposure and a degree of personal risk. While transparency can be fact-based, vulnerability opens the door to your deeper emotions and requires trust.
Authenticity ensures you’re being your true self in any situation. While you can be authentic without being vulnerable or transparent, authenticity is the foundation for both.
Practical Example
Imagine you’ve been invited to a friend’s birthday party, but you struggle with social anxiety, especially in large gatherings. Here’s how each concept might play out:
Transparency: When you arrive, you engage in light conversation, sharing details about your life—your job, your family, etc. This is transparency: you’re sharing factual information without delving into your inner emotional world.
Authenticity: You politely decline when someone offers you a drink because you don’t consume alcohol. Even though it may seem easier to fit in, you choose to remain true to your values. This is authenticity: staying aligned with your beliefs despite external pressures.
Vulnerability: As the evening progresses, you begin to feel overwhelmed by the social interaction. You explain to your friend that social settings often trigger your anxiety, and while you wanted to celebrate with them, you now need some space to recharge. This is vulnerability: sharing your emotional state with someone you trust.
When to Practice Each Concept
1. Authenticity
When: All the time. Authenticity is the baseline for all interactions, ensuring that you show up as your true self in any situation.
Why: It allows for genuine connections and prevents you from presenting a version of yourself that isn’t true to who you are.
2. Transparency
When: When you’re building new relationships or navigating professional settings. Start with transparency to establish trust and openness.
Why: Transparency allows others to understand who you are and what you stand for, without requiring you to reveal vulnerable emotions right away.
3. Vulnerability
When: Vulnerability should be practiced when deeper trust has been established, and when there is mutual openness. It can be powerful when you intentionally want to strengthen a bond.
Why: Vulnerability fosters deeper emotional intimacy and connection, but it also comes with risks. It’s important to gauge whether the other person is also open to receiving your vulnerability, to avoid feelings of shame or rejection.
How to Navigate Vulnerability
Vulnerability is perhaps the most complex of the three. While it allows for profound emotional connections, it also leaves you exposed. If you share your vulnerabilities with someone who isn’t receptive, it can lead to feelings of disappointment or resentment.
When you want to be vulnerable, it’s helpful to set the stage by being clear about what you need. For example, if you’re stressed, you might say, “I’ve been really anxious and would like to talk about it, but I’m not sure where to start. Can you listen?” This gives the other person a chance to be prepared for emotional honesty, making it easier for them to support you.
Similarly, if someone shares their vulnerability with you, it’s important to ask them what they need. Are they looking for advice, or do they just need someone to listen? Clear communication can prevent misunderstandings and help deepen the connection.
Conclusion
While transparency, authenticity, and vulnerability are all related to openness and honesty, each serves a distinct purpose in communication and relationships. Authenticity is about being true to who you are at all times. Transparency fosters openness without the need for emotional exposure, while vulnerability allows for deeper emotional connections by revealing your inner world. Understanding when and how to use these principles will help you build stronger, more meaningful relationships rooted in trust, connection, and personal growth.
Request your free consultation (https://www.select-smart.com/contact) to kick-start your self-awareness journey! What does it mean to own/support a product/platform?
In the ever-evolving tech landscape, owning a product or platform is a multifaceted responsibility, which requires oversight not just of the technology itself but of how it integrates into an organization’s broader objectives and needs. Unfortunately, at times the ownership of a product or platform is not something which is confined within a single team or group and gets distributed per the functional areas. For example- the engineering team might own the product code but Infrastructure might be a different team and operations might be managed by a different vertical altogether.
In my 18 years of IT leadership career, one of the reasons why engineers struggle is due to the fact that they don’t develop a 360 view of the entire product/platform and its ecosystem on the counts of "we don’t own that part". One of the things I have always stressed on is the fact that the only way to do a good job within your function is when you develop a sense of the entire lifecycle and ecosystem as that will help develop deeper insights and how everything impacts what you do end up owning.
Here is a quick checklist of what I have used in terms of- Every engineer should at least have a basic understanding of the following aspects of the product/platform you support in some shape or form:
1. Why is the product/platform needed within the organization to begin with i.e. what is the goal of having this and what business problem specifically it solves and for whom?
2. What are all the core functionalities and features of the same
3. Who are the users, how do they use it and what do they expect out of it for each of the user types
4. Knowledgeable about the technical underpinnings of the platform. This includes understanding how the system is built, what infrastructure supports it, and how scalable and flexible it is to meet current and future needs.
5. How do users get onboarded and offboarded?
6. What are different security and governance aspects i.e. how are the product, users, and data secured
7. Does the product have logging? If so what gets logged and where? Who reviews them? Do you have the knowledge and access to analyze them?
8. Are there monitors and alerts configured? If so what do they monitor and alert on? Who receives and acts on them?
9. If applicable- is a vendor involved with the product? If so, is a regular QBR(Quarterly business review) done?
10. What is the cost of the product and licenses? What is the frequency? How has cost changed or is it projected to change based on growth and scale
11. How often does the product or platform go through upgrades? Who monitors it and who manages the end-of-life cycles?
12. How and who manages the patching and security hardenings?
13. What is the current roadmap, tech debt, and 3-year vision of the product or platform and its features? i.e. will this continue, retire, or modernize at some point, etc.?
14. Do you have access to all the documentation including features, system admin guides, design, architecture, etc?
15. What are all upstream and downstream dependencies i.e. what other systems provide input and consumes output from this product or a platform
The above can be used not only as an onboarding guide but also as a gap identification checklist to shore up the aspects if they are not hardened as of today!
Jack, Jill and Self-worth
Jack and Jill meet at a party. Full of charm and energy, Jack captivates Jill, leaving her emotionally invested. Over the next few days, he engages her in meaningful conversations, and their relationship deepens. Then, suddenly, everything changes. Without warning or explanation, Jack pulls away. Whether it’s ghosting, breadcrumbing, or stonewalling, Jill is left confused, without any communication or closure. It's a very different kind of frustration than a typical breakup because in addition to grief and anger now she also has to deal with lack of clarity, cognitive dissonance and even trying to guess her reality.
Jill spirals into self-doubt, obsessively wondering what went wrong. Did she do something to push him away? Was she not good enough? This lack of clarity triggers a cycle of rumination. Had Jack communicated his change in feelings and rationale or at the very least declared the decision, she might have found peace and moved on. But the absence of closure traps her in endless questions and unresolved emotions to a point where Jill is stuck replaying everything and frantically chasing that one underlying question- was it him or her?
How many of us have been Jill?
This scenario isn’t limited to romantic relationships. In platonic or professional dynamics, we’ve all experienced moments where someone we value and are made to believe that they value us too- suddenly pulls away, leaving us questioning ourselves. We’re left wondering: “What did I do wrong? Could I have done something differently?”
This reaction is tied to the tendency to link our self-worth to someone else’s actions. But here’s the truth: your value isn’t dependent on how others treat you. Millions of articles, and videos these days call out that fact over and over again but yet a lot of us find it hard to realize and understand it.
The Currency of Self-Worth
Let's take an example- each country uses a fiat money system which means each nation is allowed to operate under their understanding of the currency value. So let's say 1 USD is priced at 84 Indian money. Now tomorrow if India were to get up and price 1 dollar at 20 Rs. Then US will not call India trying to make a case or negotiate or understand why the dollar is devalued. From the US’s perspective- 1 dollar is still 1 dollar- regardless of what others think of its value. This is what self-worth means and should be owned as. Your value fundamentally is yours to own. Just because someone due to their reasons( good or bad, communicated or not, intentional or unintentional) is devaluing you today- it's not a reflection of your actual but their perceived value of you based on their understanding. Just like a single buyer not seeing the market value of a house doesn’t warrant the house seller to reduce the price or chase for an explanation- similarly- your self-worth is not and should not depend on how someone else is acting towards you!
Shifting Perspectives
If this concept feels challenging, let’s explore a few perspectives to help shift the mindset:
Why are they being different? Because people are allowed to change over time. There’s no point in holding someone to past standards or expectations. Life evolves, and so do people. Their needs and priorities may shift. Your dynamics with them as of today is with their present self and not their past self. So instead of focusing on why are they different than before- ask- knowing that they are different now- does that still work for me? Do I still want to show up like I did in the past? Just like they had a right to make a choice- so do you!
Ok but why can't they share the reason? Because others don’t owe you an explanation. Is it polite and decent to share the reason- Yes! Are we entitled to it? No! People are allowed to revisit their choices and needs and circle back to different desires without providing a rationale. It’s not personal. Of course where possible- ask once if they can share their perspective but beyond that- we are not entitled to a justification or an explanation by anyone. True closure has to come from within and not from someone outside you. A house seller or a shopkeeper- doesn't go running after every buyer who walks away trying to chase an explanation of why nor would a buyer hand over a laundry list of reasons why they don't want to buy the product anymore.
Ok, all that is fine but why can't they communicate the end clearly so that we can move on- Because sometimes people don't know how to. While it’s easy to label someone as a narcissist or cast it on insecure attachment style(Don’t we all love putting a label on someone to rationalize their actions just because we then understand the story), the reality is that people may be going through personal challenges of their own which we don’t fully understand or know of. Maybe they have a fear of conflict, maybe they have people-pleasing tendencies, maybe they haven't made a decision yet, maybe they are uncomfortable with growing intimacy and vulnerability, maybe they do care about you and don't want to directly say it, maybe they are unhealed and not self-aware- there could be a million reasons and none of that might be about who you are and your self-worth. Their inability to communicate doesn’t make you less valuable.
Conclusion
None of the above arguments are meant to imply- that it is ok for someone to discard you with or without a reason but the appeal to you here is- that inevitably life will bring you to that point with someone some time and when it does- it is critical to remind yourself- that you were always good enough and it was not your price but their affordability which was the problem. Just like in the currency example, your self-worth is yours to protect and maintain, regardless of how others treat you.
Request your free consultation (https://www.select-smart.com/contact) to kick-start your self-awareness journey! Professional Networking:Cost of an unsent message
Years back, I had lunch with one of my ex-leaders to catch up and it was great to hear about his group's impressive work. He attributed it to assembling a dream team from his network. Out of curiosity and some from a bruised ego, I asked why he hadn’t considered me, as I seemed a great fit for some roles. As a mentor, he said, “It was important for you to learn the cost of a message you didn’t send.” When he left the organization- like most people do- almost all of us added him on LinkedIn and never contacted him again beyond just doing the customary "like" or sending auto-generated messages for milestones and career accomplishments. Somehow we became one among the thousands of connections people usually have. When the opportunities were there within his team- he reached out to people who stayed in touch with him on a personal basis.
That conversation with him inspired a lot of thought-provoking questions and some insights which I would love to share in case it helps the readers.
In today's digital age- it’s not uncommon to have 500+ connections on a professional platform like LinkedIn. While there is nothing wrong with being connected to almost everyone with whom we cross paths- it does create an illusion of it being our true "professional network" whereas it’s just a massive pool of people we "may" have had a professional interaction with at some point of time. It is important to carve out the segment of people who would truly fall under your network and then it’s even more critical to stay in touch with them so that when the time comes, it’s organic to help each other out.
Let’s take an example- how many of us when in the middle of a job change- have sent out over 100 messages to people from our contact list? And what was the response rate? 10 or 15 max? Out of those 10 or 15- how many actively followed up and helped push our profile amongst their hiring leads etc.? The number drops to below 5. Try stepping into their shoes- they haven't heard from you for over a year or more- and now you are asking them to help out with a job search. Even if the empathy is there- the priority won’t be because somewhere the true "connection" was either faded or was not there to begin with. Engaging with your network is more than liking a post or sending generic messages when in need. It’s about genuine, ongoing interaction.
Here is a straightforward way to reset your networking approach:
Create categories of professionals you need in your network and their value and select 1-2 people for each. Starting list:
Recruiters- for career transitions, hiring needs, etc.
Hiring Leaders- People who hire others similar to your profile.
Vendors and service providers- People whose services you can use and refer to when a business need arises. Saves the risk of finding someone new at the last moment.
Peers- People in similar roles who might help you network but also share how they solved a problem or share the latest trends.
Alumni/Ex-Coworkers- Almost always an excellent idea to stay connected with them not just for reference sake but also for networking leads
For each category in your list- Set a schedule for checking in(literally book it on your calendars), which works for you BUT make it selfless and let it be a true catching up without any motive i.e. be prepared to share but also actively ask about how they are doing and if there is anything you can do to help. Examples:
Recruiter John Doe: Check in quarterly over coffee/lunch/zoom, discuss what kind of roles he is working on, anything you can do to help, etc.
Hiring leaders- Check-in 6 months over Zoom, discuss what business problems keep them up, and offer your insights, etc.
Don’t be afraid to sanitize this list often. If there are too many names then somewhere quality of check in will dilute due to time constraint so be prepared to keep the list active and relevant at all times.
At first, this approach felt like over-engineering. But over time, it reduced noise, strengthened relationships, and made people remember and prioritize me. You will be pleasantly surprised how far along true connections go versus an ever increasing count of followers.
Maximizing your Interview Success
Over the last 18 years of my IT leadership career, I’ve been fortunate to work with incredibly talented individuals and secure several fulfilling opportunities. This article focuses primarily on interview strategies within the IT field, though the principles can certainly be applied across industries.
A common pattern I’ve noticed is that many candidates approach interviews with preconceived notions about the process, unintentionally limiting their potential. I hope these tips will inspire candidates to break free of those assumptions and approach interviews with confidence and a winning mindset. These aren’t your standard do’s and don’ts, but rather strategic insights that could significantly improve your chances of success.
Tip #1: Define Your end goal and align it with the right industry or company
It’s crucial to understand your long-term goal and choose the industry or company accordingly. If your goal is to maximize earnings and don’t mind the fast paced environment, a wall street firm with a back-end IT office may offer attractive compensation packages. However, if you’re focused on deepening your skills and learning, a product-centric, mid-sized company might be a better fit.
If you value work-life balance or have family commitments, a larger, process-driven company might offer the stability you need. Throughout my career, my objectives have evolved, and aligning my career choices with those objectives has consistently led to positive outcomes. Take the time to reflect on your priorities and identify companies that align with them.
Tip #2: Don’t hesitate to reach out to hiring contacts beforehand
Once, I received an email from a candidate scheduled for an interview a week later. He asked if I could suggest a technical topic for him to study in preparation. Initially, I thought this was unusual and assumed he was seeking an unfair advantage. But I admired his initiative and shared an emerging topic.
When he arrived for the interview, he presented handwritten notes after a week of focused research, displaying impressive knowledge. When asked about the email, he explained that he wanted to showcase his ability to quickly learn and master new skills. His proactive approach paid off, and he became a key member of my team.
There’s nothing wrong with being proactive—it might even set you apart. Unconventional approaches can demonstrate your dedication and ability to think outside the box.
Tip #3: Make Your resume stand out
Most companies use automated systems to parse resumes, meaning you’ll likely submit a traditional text-based format for your initial application. However, there’s no rule that says you can’t bring a visually engaging resume to the interview or send one via email.
On several occasions, candidates have handed me graphically enhanced resumes before an interview. These stood out because they reflected creativity and professionalism. Remember, your resume tells your story—you have control over how to present it. Choose the format that best showcases your skills and experience.
Tip #4: Research your interviewers
This might be the most underrated tip of all. Many candidates will briefly look at the LinkedIn profiles of their interviewers, but those who dig deeper and study their backgrounds tend to connect better during the interview. This not only helps with rapport-building but can also give you insight into what to expect.
I’ve had candidates ask me thoughtful questions about my career path, leading to engaging and productive conversations. People appreciate it when you take the time to understand their background—it can also help you anticipate their line of questioning. For example, if your interviewer has been in a leadership role, they may focus more on communication and team dynamics. Conversely, someone heavily involved in emerging technologies might steer the discussion toward technical skills. So the more you have a sense of their background- better prepared you will be.
Tip #5: It’s not over till its over
A popular piece of advice is to send a follow-up thank-you note after an interview, which is great, but don’t stop there. Your last chance to make an impression doesn’t have to end when you walk out the door.
Here’s a strategy I’ve used: During the interview, when asking about the company’s challenges (as often recommended), take detailed notes. While it’s common to showcase how you can help solve these issues during the interview, the reality is that you may not have time to provide a well-thought-out response in the moment.
In your follow-up email (sent within 24–48 hours), include a concise explanation of how your skills can address the challenges discussed in the interview. This approach demonstrates your ability to process information and respond thoughtfully, helping you stand out. Pair it with a polite thank-you and a brief reiteration of how you’re a great fit for the role.
By following these tips, you’ll be better equipped to take control of your interview experience. Whether through proactive communication, unique resume presentation, or thoughtful follow-up, there are plenty of ways to enhance your chances of landing the opportunity you’re seeking.
